Wheaton College is a model for Evangelicals in many ways. One found the strength to replace cutting with long walks in the cold. One student broke out in hives when we discussed the possibility of coming out. Many of them were sexual minorities, but the vast majority were those looking for a safe place to tell the truth about their confusion, or their addictions, or the gnawing sense that they wouldn’t be loved if they were truly known. Meanwhile, students retreated to my office non-stop.
President Ryken’s encouragement to move into a season of quiet ministry that was confined to Wheaton College was the beginning of a series of conversations that left me feeling silenced and, by the end of it all, heartbroken. Because I was already a fairly well-known blogger by the time Wheaton hired me, I had been slated to speak at some of the most prominent Christian conferences in the country: two national conferences with Q Ideas, two with Youth Specialties, and several chapel addresses at other Christian colleges. If I was faithful in quiet ways, I remember him saying, then God might give me a more public platform down the road. The second week I found myself at lunch with President Ryken, where he cautioned me about proceeding with any public speaking or writing. The blog post in question asked Christians to calm the scrutiny when it comes to gay people-a point that was lost on conservative alumni like Eric Teetsel, Director of Faith Outreach for the Marco Rubio campaign, who was outraged by my hire and relentlessly monitored my social media activity. During my first week at Wheaton, President Philip Ryken approached me with concerns about a blog post I had retweeted, and he encouraged me to lay low on social media. That means it's likely to be seen by a much wider audience than any of the films listed below, which were smaller, quirkier, independent productions.Private meetings with the president and provost were routine for me within weeks of my appointment in September 2014. Love, Simon isn't the first film to tackle what it's like to come out in high school, but it is the first one released by a major studio. That's admirable, even if the film's chaste attitude toward sex means they're seeing only a part of a version of themselves onscreen. It's entirely intentional - in interviews, filmmaker Greg Berlanti says Love, Simon presents a well-scrubbed version of the coming out process so that queer kids can finally see an idealized version of themselves onscreen. But once again that familiar apportioning occurs - Simon's sexuality is kept feathery and abstract, and any depiction of same-sex attraction is saved for the film's emotional crescendo. Love, Simon is also set in a high school, and also features a young man struggling to come out - it's the story of its main character's private and public acknowledgement of his Queer Identity. Monkey See A Gay Teen Romance, Sealed With A Peck: 'Love, Simon'
That fact also serves, intentionally or not, to cause these films to concern themselves more expressly with Queer Identity than Queer Desire. In American films like Making Love (1982), In & Out (1997), Beginners (2010) and 4th Man Out (2016), the process of coming out is complicated by the fact that it occurs later in life than is usual. Which is probably why we keep making movies about it.
It's marked by fits and starts, denials and avowals, fraught conversations in somebody's car, the fear of rejection and, hopefully, the relief of acceptance. It has a timeline, and not necessarily a smooth one. What does not vary in the process of coming out is the fact that it is a process. The process of coming to terms with one's sexuality varies widely, depending on the individual - it can be scary, invigorating, heartbreaking, life-affirming usually it's some complex combination of those feelings and more.
Billy (Alex Lawther) and Blah Blah Blah (AnnaSophia Robb) in 2018's Freak Show.